waiting...

So here I am sitting by the fireplace, drinking green tea...relishing in the fact that it's Christmas vacation and I don't need to study. It's quite drastic, the change in routine. When just a week ago, my schedule seemed to revolve around school and the things related to that town in the frigid tundra. Now, I've spent the last week sleeping in, reading 'fun' books, watching Dan in Real Life, and cleaning. No real time schedule or deadlines. Part of me loves it, and the other part despises all the free time. 

This free time has given me lots of time to think...about life, my future, and this Christmas season. Recently, a friend posted a link on my wall regarding Advent...an article by Rob Bell titled "Why Should We Care About Advent". Growing up in the church, I've come to know Advent, but never really appreciate it. Until this year. The following is an excerpt from the article. 

"Advent is about anticipating the birth of Christ. It’s about longing, desire, that which is yet to come. That which isn’t here yet. And so we wait, expectantly. Together. With an ache. Because all is not right. Something is missing. Why does Advent mean so much to me? Because cynicism is the new religion of our world. Whatever it is, this religion teaches that it isn’t as good as it seems. It will let you down. It will betray you. That institution? That church? That politician? That authority figure? They’ll all let you down. Whatever you do, don’t get your hopes up. Whatever you think it is, whatever it appears to be, it will burn you, just give it time. Advent confronts this corrosion of the heart with the insistence that God has not abandoned the world, hope is real and something is coming. Advent charges into the temple of cynicism with a whip of hope, overturning the tables of despair, driving out the priests of that jaded cult, announcing there’s a new day and it’s not like the one that came before it. “The not yet will be worth it,” Advent whispers in the dark."

I don't know about you, but I've needed this reminder. Because this Advent season can be just another thing to check off the church calendar. It can be rushed in an attempt to get to Christmas sooner. But I'm being challenged tonight to rest in this season of waiting. 

I'm American and too often desire the quickest, easiest solution. I hate wait. Maybe it's because I'm narrow-minded, selfish, or pessimistic. But there is something big going on, something bigger than myself. So even if I feel like I can't hear anything, even if I don't see clearly into my future, even if I've been hurt or betrayed...there is hope. Yes, it might not all be 'right'. But there is hope. In the midst of prayers being answered as "not yet" I am going to choose to keep hoping, believing that 'not yet will be worth it'. A season of waiting can be good. Anticipation and hope for something better in the future, well that's good because it keeps my eyes on God. I know that my God will pull through, that He will not leave me. I can spend the rest of this Advent season expectantly waiting the coming King, as I hold on to the truth that God is not done working. 

Just as God entered into the dirty, smelly, very messed-up world thousands of years ago, He is ready to enter into the bitter, messed-up, broken places of myself. So I can turn to that Christmas morning, remembering the way that God confined Himself to a human body, to time and space, to begin something new. And this same God, well He's working today, bringing about something new, something bigger than me. And I'm invited to be part of it. So are you.


So in this season of waiting, may you rest in awe of a God who came down to begin something big. May you celebrate the fact that we can join in on it. And may you experience deep peace, knowing that hope is real and God is with us. 

where did i put the cookie dough?

I have this problem...it begins with an object, and ends with me searching for minutes, days, or months for the same object. Most recently, it was the cookie dough I had put in the freezer. Last week, it was the lock/unlock button on my set of keys for my car. And in October, it was my beloved movie, Up. Now, losing one thing and finding it minutes later is one thing. Losing multiple objects and searching endlessly with no success is another thing. And sadly, it only leads to ridicule from the most wonderful roommates. 

Maybe it's senior-itis and constantly having other things on my mind. Perhaps it's fried-brain that occurs come finals week. Whatever it is, the 11 pads of sticky notes sitting on my desk in a rainbow of colors, are proof that I need reminders. 

I tend to lose things. And I often forget things. 

So this blog isn't really about my forgetfulness. 

You see, I'm coming to realize there's something beautiful about losing and forgetting. Not movies, keys, or food, but that which you can't see. Scripture mentions losing and forgetting on different occasions...

"Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it..." (Matthew 10:39b)

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) 

What would it look like if we started letting go of things we hold on so tightly to? What if we tore up our schedule, or 5-year plan we've written out for our life? What if we gave up bitterness in exchange for forgiveness? What if guilt no longer weighed down on our shoulders?  What if we gave up our need to be right? What if we quit re-hashing the same argument in our head, weeks after it actually occurred?

Like God displayed His power in the Exodus, He is ready and able to provide new exodus-like deliverances. His power is not exhausted. He is doing a new thing. Today is a new day, with new mercies and an abundance of grace. 

We can relinquish our need to control everything. We can lose our self-determined "rights" in this life. And we can wait expectantly for God to change our agendas from ordinary to extraordinary. 

And while we wait, we can actually start living. Less talk, more experience. See, when we let go, freedom comes in. Freedom to yes, remember where we've come from, but also, freedom to not beat ourselves up. Freedom to love deeply. Freedom to forgive. Freedom to celebrate. Freedom to live as God created us to live. 

i'll never keep a blog...

I once said, "I'll never keep a blog." I'm okay with other people keeping their own blogs, especially creative people who travel the globe. And I even enjoy reading the blogs of those people. But to me, it kind of feels like I'm in junior high again, keeping a journal of what I did each day. Thankfully, I'm not sporting the bad haircut, braces, or paper-clip necklaces. Instead, I'm sporting the ponytail, fuzzy socks, and zebra snuggie.
Since I'm not in junior high anymore, you won't be getting a daily update, but occasionally I may succumb to my impulses to share what I'm learning/experiencing. And if only one person reads these and is blessed, challenged, or encouraged by the words, then it's worth it.

I've entitled my blogspot as "my favorite sweater". Why? Well, let me tell you...
A few weeks ago, a girl I deeply appreciate lent me her book, "Cold Tangerines", written by Shauna Neiquist. It's a book on celebrating the extraordinary nature of everyday life. In this creative, engaging read, the author talks about enjoying life like you enjoy your favorite sweater.

If you gave me a sweater, and I loved it, you would know it because I would wear it so much. I'd wear it on my way to my favorite coffee shop, Choco Latte. I'd wear it to my three hour nursing class. I'd wear it to Oasis, and to smoothie parties, and even to bed. It would probably get stained and stretched out and even have a few snags. But you, the giver of the sweater, would know how much I loved it. The sweater, by just looking at it, would tell a million stories, reminding me of places I've been, things I've eaten, gatherings I've attended, and who I've been in this sweater.

Life is a gift from our Father in Heaven. And I've wasted many years complaining and wishing the days away. But today is a gift. And I want to wear my gift out. I don't mean in a reckless way, but in a way that "makes God belly laugh, glad that He gave life to someone who loves the gift." I want to show God how much I appreciate this gift of life. And if life were a sweater, I would wear it every single day.